The Gift of Time

Today is my grandmother’s birthday. Well, it would have been if she were alive. As a child I was incredibly close with my grandmother - actually with both my grandmothers. I was blessed with two grandmothers as different as different could be, but the one whose birthday is today... well, we shared an especially close bond.

Some time in my childhood I came to realize that my grandmother would die and that meant she would leave me forever. I remember reading “The Little Match Girl” in a book she had bought for me. At the end (SPOILER ALERT!) the Little Match girl dies and joins her grandmother in heaven. I remember reading the last part of the story over and over again getting increasingly upset each time. When my grandmother found me I was hysterical, begging her not to die – to please please please don’t ever leave me.

I can’t imagine how she felt; having a child she loved so dearly begging her that time and many more times to come not to die – to please don’t leave me. She tried to calm and console me. She told me she would do the best she could. But she never promised me something she knew should would not, despite my pleading and her desire could not possibly do.

My grandmother was a tiny little thing about 100 pounds soaking wet. She was tiny and delicate and feminine and always immaculately put together. Despite her small stature she was an incredibly strong woman; she always made me feel safe despite living in what we would now politely call “a rough neighborhood”. It’s a miracle that nothing bad ever happened to her – despite being mugged several times and her home being broken into.

To say she adored me was an understatement. She spoiled the living crap out of me. My every whim and desire fulfilled no matter how ridiculous the request. Eat a whole can of black olives? Sure! Drink a gallon of Kool Aid? Why not! Eat granulated sugar with a soup spoon? Yup! That uber-expensive Barbie toy? Well – you get the drift.

I knew that stuff was wrong – wrong of me to ask and wrong that she indulged me, but that wasn’t why I love her so much. What she gave me was beyond measure: she gave me her time. She was always a willing Prince to my Princess, to push me on the swing or just play in general. She ALWAYS had time for me. All these years later after all that she has given me, what I cherish the most is the wealth of memories of the time we shared.

I miss you grandma. Even today, the thought of you and losing you still brings me to tears. I know as much as you loved and spoiled me, you would have loved and spoiled my Little Princess even more. I’d like to think that you watch over us and that you are proud of me and of the job I am doing raising my little girl.

I miss you I miss you I miss you…today and always.